Dream

I had the scariest dream this morning. It occurred right in that sleepy period between sleeping and trying to wake up. I was in my cozy bed fully alert to the blankets and warmness and the fringe on the edge of a pillow that was tickling my face when all of a sudden there's this motion where it feels like someone just sat on the edge of my bed. The blankets tightened over me and the bed scrunched down a bit. I got scared and I tried to discreetly open my eye to look over and see if I could see someone. No luck. Then just as quickly I heard and felt it get up, my blankets loosened and the bed raised again. My heart pounded just a little faster as I officially woke up and sat up.

Now...I don't believe in ghosts. So let's not go there. Either it was a strange dream (what does it mean?) or there was a stranger in my apartment who thought it would be a good idea to watch me sleep from sitting on the edge of my bed. The former doesn't freak me out as much as the latter.

To this second, I still don't know if I was awake or asleep.

Laptopness

That kind of sounds like Loch Ness. Nessy.

Sheesh, that's the last time I'm going to go on a rant about something I know little about. Geez. I get grilled by Melissa and PD! Two trusted advisors. They say "wounds from a friend can be trusted".

So I decided today that I'm a big baby. It's like when you have to call Pizza Hut for the first time and make an order. There's this level of anxiety that accompanies it. I remember growing up in my house and when it came to ordering pizza, no one wanted to do it! Dad would say...no I'm not doing it. and Louis would say...no I'm not doing it. As if calling and ordering something on the phone and having to talk to someone new was something dangerous or was going to cause bodily harm. But that's how I felt tonight and i got this crazy idea that I wanted to take my new laptop to a coffee shop or something to get online (don't have it at home yet) and take care of some activation things for the new comp. I drove by 4 places. I wasn't sure where had internet access...I didn't want to be the only one...I didn't want to look strange or like I didn't know what I was doing...what if I couldn't find a plug in...what if I looked stupid...do you have to ask permission at the counter to use their wireless internet...??? there were all these questions coming up and I didn't know the answers and I didn't want to look stupid...my ego has no bounds!!! So i drove by places, stalking them, looking in windows. I drove by two places, actually got out of the vehicle at two other places just to turn around again and get back in the car. Golly gee whiz. I'm a moron. So I ended up where I'm at. The place is near empty (so no worry about looking stupid). The plug ins were easy to find. Hooking up to the wireless connection was a breeze. I've taken care of the activation things I needed...and I'm now taking time to blog. The picture I added...makes me laugh. Peter, Adam, and Ben.

So despite anxiety and worry, things really do work out!

I hope all of you are in a fit of laughter right now...picturing me looking like an idiot. and unfortunately, I'm sure you have no trouble doing just that.

Exercise during lunch?

Here is my deep thought for the week. It's not quite a deep thought. It's more of a rant.

I simply do not understand the concept behind using your lunch break at work to exercise. You see women in their work attire put on a pair of tennis shoes during their lunch hour and go walk around the building chatting with a friend for company. First of all, the tennis shoes don't really look right with the panty hose and knee length skirt. Secondly, if you're going to go exercise and get all hot and sweaty, wouldn't you want to change the rest of your clothes too? Why go sit down at your desk again after your 30 minute marathon wearing smelly sweaty clothes?

Here at my work there is alot of this that goes on. Men will put on their spandex riding outfits (freaky wierd to see your coworkers wearing something that's more skin tight than Richard Simmon's workout gear) and go for a 5 mile bike ride during their lunch break. Got to hand it to them for at least wearing the proper safety gear. There's also a few gentleman on my shift that will go during lunch to (actually I don't know where they go) play raquetball. Raquetball! It's a huge work out. Running, sprinting, swinging a tennis racket through the air with all your might. They come back all sweaty and worn out. Then they are expected to work for 4 or 5 more hours?

Here's my deal:

1. Work itself is a workout.
2. Lunch time is for lunching!
3. Who wants to work while they are worn out and sweaty?

The lesson to take home today, kids, is to relax when given the opportunity. Your entitled lunch break from work should not just be used to do another kind of work. Sheesh. Here are some alternative ways to spend a lunch break: Reading, surfing the internet, napping, do a crossword puzzle, eat lunch, pretty much anything that slows the heartrate. And for goodness sakes: TAKE THE LUNCH TIME AS A BREAK FROM WORK. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT DO WORK DURING YOUR LUNCH BREAK.

Conversation with God

So I was watching this TV show...it inspired great insight. And they say TV rots the brain. Not if you choose to watch educational TV...like the Gilmore Girls!

So picture it. A 16 year old girl. Young, naive, impressionable. Meets a boy. The butterflies start flying. First love, first kiss, first date, all those great things. She's on cloud nine. Then the inevitable...first break up, first heartache. She's crushed. Her family is worried about her. Her friends want the old friend back, not this new moapy person. and it HITS me!

It's so unfair in life to have something so wonderful...but have it so sporadic or rare or only for a short while. EVERYONE should be able to feel those wonderful love feelings ALL THE TIME. It shouldn't only be some people while others have to live without. It shouldn't only be for temporary amounts of time to where you have it, then have to get over it (because let's face it, that's just cruel). Everyone, all the time. That should be a given when you're born. Because to have it any other way, just isn't fair.

So after that bitter rant, in true Ben Headley fashion, I knew there had to be a spiritual lesson in there somewhere. I immediately came up with two.

1. If you are in Christ, then you DO have that feeling of love and worth and acceptance all the time. And it's more wonderful than anything earthly because it's GOD! and his love and acceptance of us is unmatchable with anything on this crazy world. He's constantly loving us, caring for us, hanging on our every word. I am the apple of his eye, and he gives me everything that's wonderful and good. So why should we need anything more? "nothing I desire, compares with You"...right? So really, I just need to get over myself.

2. I'm sure Jesus would agree with me that everyone should get to feel the most wonderful things all the time. Because he loves us and takes care of us and wants the best for us. So I picture Jesus in all His glory approaching God and saying..."Can we please give that wonderful feeling of love and worth and acceptance to everyone on earth so that they can feel the butterflies doing somersaults and that tingly feeling all the time???!!! So they have all that one special person who loves them no matter what? Can we, Can we???!!! Please because I love them so much and I know how much they love that!!" and then God says, "as much as I respect how much you love them, I love them too. and right now, whether they are experiencing it or not, have ever experienced it or not, they are learning from it and they are hopefully learning to trust me more and grow closer to me. So let's just stick with my love story chosen for each of them, and that'll be what's best."

and so to that i say...*sigh*. Okay. Will do.

New Year

Bienvenidos al Ano Nuevo. It's 2006. 6. My oh my, where has the time gone. I have no special comments, special insights. Only to say my oh my. For New Year's Eve I went to a party where there was a murder. The game of the party was to use all the clues to find out who the murderer was. I had never been to a themed party like that and it was fun. Everyone was really in to it and was really trying to solve all the clues. Amber (aka Mae West) was the murderer. Last year for New Year's Eve we were stinky and in a van driving back from Juarez where we'd spent the previous two days building a house. I arrived home with about 30 minutes til midnight. That was special. Quite special looking back. This past week I was off work. I cleaned out my closet and sent old/unworn clothes to Goodwill. I watched alot of Gilmore Girls. I ate alot of food. I slept in until like 11:30 every day. It was a good vacation. Well needed. Tomorrow I go back to work. With many things on the mind and heart.